Tired of Trying to Measure Up: Getting Free from the Demands, Expectations, and Intimidation of Well-Meaning People

Incredible book to assist you in growing out legalisms in the church

but the Christian can learn to live by the freedom Christ has already given. Growing up in a rather good Christian home I have been surprised to find how much of the 'shame-grid' thinking I have adopted. Working hard to change myself is exhausting; I can easily see how many would choose to give up and even potentially walk away from the Faith. My particular issues focus on duty and doing what is 'right.' Therefore, I tend to get mired in the 'try harder' loop. Here Dr. VanVonderen reminds his readers that our true hope and security lie in what Christ has already done for us. He makes a good argument as to why the 'white dog/black dog' (or spiritual schizophrenia) is biblically incorrect. Renewing our minds and reminding ourselves what God says about us is essential. While there were one or two points I wish had been fleshed out more, I highly recommend this book to the weary and struggling saint who knows there must an alternative way to live and breathe. Thank you, Dr. VanVonderen.

Another book we all need to read. This is a book of healing and hope. Finally a book being free from shame.

Great book. This explains how a “Shame based” filter can mess up your life. It will help you identify how YOU can finally remove this filter and realize you DO measure up! You will come to realize the certain people in your life are triggering responses from you. They are not saying and didn’t intend for you to replay whatever happened to you a long time ago. Good book. Sound advice.

He has been for years. I bought a new copy to share with a leader who needs to understand this. During a separation and divorce, I had so many people telling me what to do, much of it didn't match each other's counsel, and I didn't have peace about most of it. We feel like God isn't happy with us and we don't know why we can't please Him and others. This book gave me a new freedom to trust that God knows my heart, He's not displeased with me, and I don't have to work at receiving His approval. We can rest in Him, be filled with His peace, and trust that the Holy Spirit will guide our hearts.Also get The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse by Jeff and David Johnson.

This is an excellent breakdown of the gospel that so often unfortunately doesn’t get preached in church. God so loved….us.

I'm 60 years old. This book was recommended by a Christian Counseling Service I go to weekly.I am not pushing a religion.I'm trying, like so many people, to stop looking at my past and the mistakes I made as a daughter, mom,wife, friend.I was tormented by my thoughts about my past and so depressed.I did not do anything bad; but my past issues were getting huge in my mind. I could not enjoy the present or the future.This book has helped me move on and stop trying to apologize for past actions.

This book has been the most effective tool in taking an axe to an unhealthy root system / grid in my mind of mindsets I have carried in relation to shame, fear, control, and manipulation. I am so grateful for this book. During a time in my life where this grid could have proven to very much alter my freedom and path, I am very grateful for this book. It is an answer to prayers unto God for freedom, and it's truths are leading me to peace of mind and freedom. Very helpful tool for looking fear and shame in your life, as well as a performance mindset.

A great read for those who have been shame based in their faith by the church that has been performance based. This book will help validate underlying emotions you may not have been able to identify. It will help you see yourself as Christ does and help you understand how to bring healing and rest into you life.

This book is a life changing book that really impacted me and pit the finger on areas I thought I dealt with but were deeper than I realized. I can truly say that applying the knowledge and principles in this book have brought a greater sense of freedom in my life. I highly recommend that everyone read this book.

This book helped me overcome my feelings of never being good enough. It allowed me to see God in a different light. I highly recommend this book to anyone suffering from spiritual identity theft.

Jeff VanVonderen has done a truly magnificent job of explaining the gospel of God's grace. It is a timely and much needed work, especially as so few Christians today understand that they are no longer enslaved to legalistic performance and condemnation from the Law. I wish I had read this book many years ago.

Self help