Wired for Love: How Understanding Your Partner's Brain and Attachment Style Can Help You Defuse Conflict and Build a Secure Relationship Paperback – January 2, 2012

First, I'm a big Stan Tatkin fan. I've read almost all of his books and find his PACT Therapy very interesting. This book is a great companion to his Wired For Love workshop. The whole idea of this has to be good for both of us has been very helpful to me. If both of you can do this work, it's truly amazing and will bring you closer.

Well written with good facts and points

This guy can break down attachment styles so easily. This and his book “We Do” have been a great help to my marriage. Definitely recommend reading with your partner so you can discuss with each other. My partner took it very seriously, but preferred the audio books. Learning how to have a couple bubble is a must for a healthy relationship. Teaches you to both look out for each other. Great read.

Very interesting information on relationship personalities. I found it easy to identify my spouse's "mo" and mine. The how to's of relationship improvement were clear and thorough. In fact, I decided to just relax a bit after reading the book because it was so honest about the amount of work required of me to "amp up" our 43 year marriage. It is definitely a great tool in understanding each partner's needs and fulfillment. The writing is much less textbook than many self help tomes written by therapists.While I have not lavished my husband with the advice given to me, I have incorporated some of it. It was uncomfortable to see how I was defined. I was a "wave" and wanted to be an "island." My husband was an "island." But, I saw myself from his perspective which was extremely beneficial. I highly recommend this book to anyone wanting to have a closer relationship with a signficant other. Gender in this book is of no importance which I found to be enlightening. There is no "it's a girl or a boy thing." There are no platitudes.I gave the book a four star review because I found myself skimming a lot of it. A therapist neighbor recommended it on a walk as something she was reading and liking. I am less motivated than she to apply all the nuances. Thus, I could not say it was stellar simply because I tend to save five stars for books more in my 'love to read" interests-- primarily fiction and non-fiction with more of a literary, spiritual or historical bent. I have less interest now in the" self "help catagory and more in the help" others" one. But, i realize that the first piece of helping others must be getting oneself fit in every aspect.

Great read for the psychological thinker. Gives a new perspective on how the brain processes and suggests ways to rewire thinking and reactions for couples.

I love Tatkin’s audio book, Your Brain on Love, and highly recommended it as a starter. Wired for Love takes this wisdom to the next level. My relationships are flourishing, including my relationship with my self, in no small part due to implementing this knowledge and wisdom.

As a therapist, I found this book very helpful in understanding the need for couples to bond completely in order to keep their relationship alive. Tatkin bases his research on premises that include current research on marital therapy as well as on neuropsychology.He provides ten basic premises for maintaining a good marriage. He speaks often of the 'couple bubble'. This is a way for couples to put one another first, to keep themselves a priority for one another in spite of all the influx of information and experiences that come their way. Couples need to form a bubble, a safe place where they are available to one another 24/7 and they attempt to fulfill their partner's needs in any way they can. It goes both ways and it is a protective device.I also liked his analogy of 'ambassadors' and 'primitives'. Ambassadors are the rational aspects of our brain that steer our relationship. The primitives are the more basic aspects of survival that most of us have been programmed for as children. It is more of a 'fight or flight' component that each of us has. There needs to be an understanding in ourselves of these two components of our brain and, more importantly, depending on our upbringing, we may need to work on understanding what makes our partner tick.The book is accessible to anyone, therapist or layman. The information is very helpful and can be used by any married couple. Therapists will be pleased to see that Tatkin quotes the most recent research and incorporates it in his book. I found this book very intuitive and have used his suggestions in the therapy I already do. However, I have picked up some new ideas that I will surely incorporate in the future.

TL;DR: I got a lot more out of "Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment" that I read eight years ago if looking for something on attachment theory.Didn't really like the book and found it simplistic. It was hard to determine credibility of the author. Half of the 'examples' feel real and half feel made up to prove an authors point. Do you know anyone who has thought "huh, all the unhappy couples I see don't make eye contact with their partners like I do!"Similarly, compared to other books on mental health and human interaction, it was pretty light on research. Two studies within 40 years to provide credibility of a core foundation of the book? Okay, but why 7 at the end to prove a paragraph that 'humans need touch'. Its strange.Also feel like the idea of an isolated couple who stand together as an island felt pretty outdated. Relationship above all else is ripe for abuse. Two times it questions couples having 'individual therapists', which is bizarre.